Alphie has Cancer!

An advanced case of Rocker Rot - Stage Four Cancer!

Page Two - Diagnostic Surgery

I inspected Alphie carefully when I bought her, and I knew she had cancer.  Well, it turns out to be stage four!  It was obvious that she took a bunch of fives (my Britishism gem for this page) to the nose at some point, and someone did some solidly dodgy bodywork… But. My. Word!

Blobs-O-Bondo

The previous surgeon apparently fancied himself a Bondo artist.  About 80% of the body sheet metal has a slathering of plastic under the paint.  It already weighs less from the Bondo shedding.

The right wing (fender to us Yanks) had plastic filler a half inch thick in some places.  Other affected areas had metal tears that went un- welded; missing spans of sheet metal that were covered with aluminum foil tape and Bondoed; fender lips that have no metal, just plastic clumps sanded to shape.  He used some patch panels but they were riveted and summarily coated.  The ninny even sculpted the gaps between the hood and fenders!

Apparently, there were wads of wood screws laying around.  They’re used everywhere.

It gives a poor body man pause…

Diagnostic Report:

Alphie’s bod is in bad nick.

Alphie's bloody nose.

The Nose – The right front fender is gangrenous, necrotic; we’re looking at amputation.  The fender crown has compressed, wrinkled metal that makes it just a wee shorter than the other side.  The jab to the nose bent the radiator support and tore it from other body panels in places.  The metal that supports the hood hinges and funnels air to the radiator looks like a crumpled piece of foil.  The lower valance is torn in several places and must be cut from the car to be repaired.

To my despair, our previous surgeon Bondoed over trim clips, screw heads, rust, emblem attachment holes – he even left un-sanded clods of Bondo that dripped onto the valance panel.  Gobsmacked!

The Rockers – I noticed when I was buying it that the passenger door rubbed against the rear of the door opening – I also knew that sagging door opening means Rocker Rot – and now I know where the biggest tumors were hidden. 

Quick Side Note:  Alpine rockers consist of three metal sheets: 

·       The first sheet, and the innermost one, is a flat sheet welded to the big X shaped crossbeams that make up the frame.  This sheet creates the pinch weld line under the car. 

·       The second is the “inner” rocker with bends for strength, runs from the door opening down and is welded to the pinch weld line created by the first sheet.

·       The third sheet, the “outer” rocker that shows, is rounded to match the bodylines and is also welded to the pinch weld.

I said I wanted a challenge!

The upper sections of all three rocker sheets are solid, but the lower sections are tattered with rust.  The driver’s side has more metal left than the passenger side.  Fortunately, there is enough metal for good welds once the rust is blasted and treated. 

The Front and Rear Quarter Panels – Each quarter panel has a rust hole, the driver’s side panels have bigger ones.  The left rear, however, has lip rust that goes most of the way up the edge of the opening.

Floor Panels – Lots-O-Rust!  I’ll need to locate replacement panels.  They exist, but it’s going to take some sleuthing.

Trunk Floor – The trunk floor is only rusted at the rear so I won’t need a complete replacement panel.  That will save several quid.

What’s to be Done?!

I have a MIG welder, and I’m not smart enough to know that I can’t fix all this!

What was not under the Bondo? Metal!

Donor Car!

Me mate who sold me the car offered a 1964 Alpine in Kentucky as a donor car.  I haven’t seen it yet and don’t know much about it, but it’s bound to have usable bits.  I’m making arrangements to run fetch it sometime in April.

Anything I can cut from the donor is money I won’t spend.  I hope it has an unviolated snooze.

Bending and Welding

I was hoping to get some welding practice, and it looks as though I’ll get it in spades!  I bought a metal brake and set up a metal fabrication workstation – it even rolls.  Once I have Alphie stripped down to a shell, I’ll whack together a rotisserie so I can get to her underbelly and start blasting, bending and welding.  The rotisserie will have wheels so I can move it in and out of the garage.

Much of what’s got the ROT, I can bend-up and weld-in!

More unhealthy metal

Blasting

Since there are rust tumors everywhere, Alphie will need a good blasting.  At first, I thought of having the shell blasted at once, and then get to mending.  I have decided that it will be more cost effective to buy a pressurized (outdoors) media blaster and blast areas as I attack them.  With my own blaster, I can use aggressive media to blast areas with loads of rust, and soda to blast areas that have less (like the body surfaces).

Patch Panels

I will make the patch panels for the rockers because they are straightforward pieces with no compound curves.  The quarter panels are much harder to fabricate with compound curves and bends that must fit other panels’ curvature.  They are available, so Bob’s Your Uncle.